I know I've just been playing things by ear lately and maintaining my positivity. Some of the things I've already accomplished is none of what I originally expected.
I never expected to get married, live in New York or be a foster mom. I never expected to speak to either of my brothers whom I've never met regarding the father I never met. Yet, I have.
I suppose I am constantly evolving over time and this makes me feel quite goo about what the future may hold. Though I've been quite depressed lately and can't seem to pin point why, I still feel something is just around the corner for me. There is still hope.
Days go by gloomly sometimes, and some days are great, but those little of trinkets of thoughts pop in and out. What happened? What was said? How do they feel about me? And the worst of all, "did they just sweep me under the rug"? Kind of makes me feel like I was never supposed to happen, yet here I am.
In all my glorious mistakeness, here I am.
I realized that I am jealous of what others have, what I could have had. If only my foundation was set like theirs, the opportunities would have been different. Maybe I'd be running towards something instead of running away all the time. Maybe I get that from him.
I'm a fighter though. I don't want to run away any more, I want to build and dream. I want to chase, I want to play, I want to run free. I will get there somehow, and I'll get there soon enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment